A Dedication of Merit - Thanksgiving Arrived Early This Year

There are times when I think what I’m doing is crazy (in the best possible way), times when I still can’t believe this journey is actually real, that I am fortunate enough to have all that is required to live way outside the proverbial lines.

 

That feeling arose last time I went to the storage unit I keep near the airport. There I was, a 49 year old woman, wearing my tattered cuffed $6 thrift store hoody, jeans that require a belt to prevent them from falling down, Target t-shirt and sneakers. Transitioning again from one place to the next, joy arose at how blessed I am to live this way by choice. 

As I’ve said before, this journey is a gargantuan leap of faith. Faith in the dhamma, faith in the Divine, faith in this self. I find it rather amazing how I, literally, always have exactly what’s needed. Part of this results from some level of clarity regarding the distinction between what is needed and what is wanted. Two very different things indeed.

Using my white, middle-class American upbringing as the measure, one could say I don’t need much in the material sense (sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag for the past 2 months comes to mind). On the other hand, many material things are needed every day; appropriate clothes to keep me cool on tropical Thai islands and warm in the coastal forest of Sonoma, the freedom that comes with reliable transportation and, as you all know, I do require quite a bit of food.

But in truth what I really need, aside from the unshakable aspiration to devote this life to the spiritual, is the extraordinary love and support I receive from my family and friends. The generosity that you’ve given is incredible and the profound gratitude I feel is genuinely inexpressible.

The experiences I’ve had the past 8 months are so varied; sometimes living far outside of my comfort zone, sometimes living in luxury, sometimes both simultaneously. Each transition from one radically different environment  to the next brings a certain disorientation, it’s not unusual to awaken in the night and have to think really hard to remember where I am and mind simply observes all this with amusement. 

The foundation of support received from those I love, and the reassurance that it is reciprocal, provides essential fuel for this journey. Feeling all of the wholesome wishes helps me be comfortable with the unknown and the sometimes uncomfortable. 

The emotional support coupled with the tangible support (the way some friends have opened their homes to me is such a big gift) helps make it possible for me to live a life of service (which is the only life I can live right now).

Buddhist scripture says that merit is essential if one is to gain rebirth into fortunate circumstance and ultimately escape the cycle of samsara (this birth and death existence we inhabit). Although merit is a well accepted truth in Eastern Buddhist cultures it has not been a significant topic in the teachings I’ve received from western lay teachers. 

I have been to many dhamma events where we dedicate the merit of our practice at the end of the session, but the teachers haven’t much explained merit or emphasized its importance. However, the monastics I’ve been studying with do stress the importance of merit, explain that each of us must accumulate merit through our words and deeds.

I contemplate merit with a bit of caution. I could see how it could lead to unwholesome intention if one were not clear about their motivations. I do what I do simply because I believe it is the right thing to do, not because I am trying to acquire anything. 

That said, I do believe in the wisdom, efficacy and truth of the Buddha’s teachings. Over and over, through direct experience, I see the truth in what I’m learning. So In this spirit, I dedicate whatever merit has been acquired through the service I’ve performed these past 8 months to all of you who have helped make it possible. If the Buddha is right (again) may this sharing of merit bring us all to freedom and liberation.