Tired - Schmired

I've been watching annoyance as a result of tiredness arise the past few days; interesting since I see it as part of the practice, part of the process.

The interesting part is watching my inner reactions (because I don't allow inner annoyance to manifest in external behavior). I know that it is completely up to me to set a boundary and say I need to rest this afternoon instead of working more.

It's also very useful to have the ability to simply not take the annoyance seriously. Too just see it, know that it is felt but also know that it's just because I'm tired and there's no need to get caught up in it.

As it turns out, the other lay person is also wiped out today so we decided to not do a second work period today (hence the time to write). 

I am not used to living in community, not used to this lifestyle (the living outdoors, everything takes effort lifestyle) and see that there is so much work to do here that, if I allow it, I would get totally burned out by the volume of tasks expected to be done by the lay people.

Luckily there is another long term lay resident here who is incredibly hardworking and competent. Most times there is only one steward and I have heard they get totally fried; I now understand why.

Yesterday was a "work day for visitors" and also a board meeting; this only occurs a few times a year. What that meant was a bunch of people arrived for the day and that essentially translated into more work to be done to accommodate them.

On the upside, one of the people who showed up was a very strong and kind dyke who carried A LOT of heavy  lumber up the steep hillside to the site where we are building a platform on which I'll be the first to live.

My nascent construction skills have improved to the point where I'm heavily involved in the project (you really do learn quickly here). 2 days ago Ayya S. designed the platform, drew it out, and told me how to assemble all the "puzzle pieces" as I think of them.

Then I sawed all the wood into the correct lengths with the circular saw and Ayya S drilled pilot holes where necessary and fastened plates to a few of the boards.

Yesterday the other layperson, the kindly dyke and a young college student who will be here for 2 weeks hauled all the lumber, tools and misc supplies to the site. Then I used timber screws and the drill to assemble the frame. At the end of the week we'll continue working on/finish the project. 

Much detail about this I know, but I am amazed. Literally 2 weeks ago I couldn't pound a nail or use a drill. Yesterday I used a circular saw, drill, hammer and knew what to do when Ayya S. said I'd have to "snap a line". Had I not been busy making the mid-day meal for the community I would have also had a chainsaw lesson!

And so this is why I don't take the annoyance or the tiredness seriously...

Because what I'm learning here is so remarkable...

Learning tangible skills

Being with the experience of my "self" being truly committed to the concept of selfless service in the abstract and (sometimes) feeling annoyance and resistance to actually doing it in reality

Learning how hard/how far to push myself without going too far

Mary, We Are Not In San Francisco Anymore OR Life In A Forest Hermitage

Everything here is good... 

Beautiful forest, babbling creek, clean air, quiet, quiet, quiet.

Blogging from Aranya Bodhi's "internet cafe" (that's a joke), I'm sitting outside the "sangha trailer" which functions as the library, shrine in cold weather and office where the satellite router is.

I'm adjusting to this new way of living. And it is a new way of living; not the same as living in the city. It all takes a lot more time and energy...

To get from my kuti to the central area where the kitchen trailer and yurt (round canvas structure which functions as the shrine room) is a 20 minute walk. 75% uphill on the way to the kuti.

Simply washing up and brushing teeth requires water, which must have been carried in to the kuti in advance, and sometimes heating.

Laundry (did my first batch today) is a sink, some soap and your hands. More useful experience from my time in Thailand ;)

Cleaning up after the mid-day meal (the only full meal of the day) takes awhile; lots of dishes and a small sink to wash them in, plus the extra step of a bleach rinse after the regular wash and rinse. Then compost needs to be carried to the compost pile; about 50 yards away from the kitchen trailer, again a portion of which is uphill.

I'm sleeping soundly in my sleeping bag on the floor of the kuti; I have a pad underneath. It's funny... since I've had the experience in Thailand of sleeping on bare wood this actually seems comfortable.

The kuti is dry and cozy, although pretty cool because it's in the woods. No sunlight hits the kuti directly so it's often a little warmer on the porch then inside. Everyday I've learned something new (some thingS, plural actually); day before yesterday's accomplishment was making a fire in the little stove in the kuti where mice live in the chimney when there's no fire burning.

It was pretty cool and having the ability to make the kuti warm; which was relatively simple, was quite reassuring. I cut some wood yesterday so I have a 2 fire stockpile on the porch ready to go when I need it. Yesterday was warmer so didn't need a fire.

The temperature is incredibly variable here. When you're in a sunny spot it is HOT but walk, literally a few yards into the trees, and I need a few layers and a hat. There's a thermometer by the kitchen trailer, I think it was 40 degrees when I looked at it about 6:30 yesterday morning.

My tool shed construction project is going well; it's really enjoyable and satisfying. Yesterday and today we completed the installation of the floor; which entailed cutting some 4x8 wood panels, gluing them to the platform (until we ran out of glue) and then using a drill to screw the boards into the platform. Yesterday's something learned in the construction department was how to "snap a line". And my drill skills are progressing nicely...

Tomorrow we're going to install a wall. But as things go here, nothing is quite so simple. First I'll have to get up on a ladder and saw off some tree branches that are in the way of the walls-to-be. So perhaps tomorrow will just be preparing to build a wall. Ayya S. is inside the sangha trailer watching a video on youtube to learn how to build the wall. This life is the definition of a "D.I.Y." existence.

One of the things that arose in mind when I knew that I needed to go on this journey was that I wanted to challenge myself; wanted to test my limits and see where they were. Being here is another way that is occurring. In just under a week I see that I CAN do this for 2 months; WANT to do this for 2 months; will feel an incredible sense of accomplishment after 2 months.

I cracked myself up this morning (as I do at least once a day)...

I offered some coffee from the Castro Coffee Company to the sangha when I arrived. The woman who makes the morning meal (oatmeal, nuts, a little fruit) has been making coffee but trying to make it last so was cutting the coffee with Folgers. This morning she said "the coffee is 100% Castro". My reply... 

"If the coffee was 100% Castro it would be served to me by a man in ass-less chaps!"

Mary, we are not in SF anymore :)