Tired - Schmired

I've been watching annoyance as a result of tiredness arise the past few days; interesting since I see it as part of the practice, part of the process.

The interesting part is watching my inner reactions (because I don't allow inner annoyance to manifest in external behavior). I know that it is completely up to me to set a boundary and say I need to rest this afternoon instead of working more.

It's also very useful to have the ability to simply not take the annoyance seriously. Too just see it, know that it is felt but also know that it's just because I'm tired and there's no need to get caught up in it.

As it turns out, the other lay person is also wiped out today so we decided to not do a second work period today (hence the time to write). 

I am not used to living in community, not used to this lifestyle (the living outdoors, everything takes effort lifestyle) and see that there is so much work to do here that, if I allow it, I would get totally burned out by the volume of tasks expected to be done by the lay people.

Luckily there is another long term lay resident here who is incredibly hardworking and competent. Most times there is only one steward and I have heard they get totally fried; I now understand why.

Yesterday was a "work day for visitors" and also a board meeting; this only occurs a few times a year. What that meant was a bunch of people arrived for the day and that essentially translated into more work to be done to accommodate them.

On the upside, one of the people who showed up was a very strong and kind dyke who carried A LOT of heavy  lumber up the steep hillside to the site where we are building a platform on which I'll be the first to live.

My nascent construction skills have improved to the point where I'm heavily involved in the project (you really do learn quickly here). 2 days ago Ayya S. designed the platform, drew it out, and told me how to assemble all the "puzzle pieces" as I think of them.

Then I sawed all the wood into the correct lengths with the circular saw and Ayya S drilled pilot holes where necessary and fastened plates to a few of the boards.

Yesterday the other layperson, the kindly dyke and a young college student who will be here for 2 weeks hauled all the lumber, tools and misc supplies to the site. Then I used timber screws and the drill to assemble the frame. At the end of the week we'll continue working on/finish the project. 

Much detail about this I know, but I am amazed. Literally 2 weeks ago I couldn't pound a nail or use a drill. Yesterday I used a circular saw, drill, hammer and knew what to do when Ayya S. said I'd have to "snap a line". Had I not been busy making the mid-day meal for the community I would have also had a chainsaw lesson!

And so this is why I don't take the annoyance or the tiredness seriously...

Because what I'm learning here is so remarkable...

Learning tangible skills

Being with the experience of my "self" being truly committed to the concept of selfless service in the abstract and (sometimes) feeling annoyance and resistance to actually doing it in reality

Learning how hard/how far to push myself without going too far